Evolution Of Humans Unlikely: A Humorous View

There are some things evolution can’t explain. For instance, evolutionists can’t explain why people are ticklish. Evolutionist psychology Professor Paul Bloom, says psychologists greatly puzzle over the purpose of being ticklish. There’s no evolutionary advantage in it. One researcher wanted to do experiments to find out why people are ticklish and he needed exact measurements so he built a tickle machine. It is a machine that had two arms with hands that move. But he didn’t find out anything. I think it should have had a feather option and a one year or 3,000 tickle guarantee.

A second puzzle of evolution is why humans are so much more intelligent than animals. One idea is it’s because our ancestors had an opposable thumb so they could grab tools. But chimps have opposable thumbs on both their hands and feet, plus they use simple tools. If this argument were correct, four opposable thumbs should make chimps twice as intelligent as you and me- so much for the graduate school entrance test review I spent on.

Another idea is that social interaction led to greater intelligence. If socialization causes brain development, then it must precede brain development, thus start out with an ape-like brain. What could that look like? Let’s look at primate interaction. Chimps have a dominance hierarchy and grooming behavior such as removing lice from one another. We still do that- at work we pick at one another and there is an organizational ladder. In addition they socialize. According to Paul Bloom monkeys laugh when they get together to kill and eat somebody. Although humans also do these simple behaviors reminiscent of World of Wrestling, perhaps worse, it would not be the cause of greater intelligence.

Walking upright is another idea of what caused intelligence to evolve. But according to paleoanthropologist Roger Lewin, Hominids are evolving back into apes except Homo sapiens . Hominids include part-human, part-ape fossils and modern humans today. Fossils can’t evolve- they’re dead. So I think he meant that the fossils that are supposed to have part ape-like pattern, part human-like pattern bones were more ape-like as time went on in the chronology. If it is true then walking upright does not lead to brain development. There is also a yoga theory that standing on one’s head leads to inner peace but that has not been proven by the hominid fossil record.

Nevertheless, from amoebas to chimps, many Evolutionists believe greater movement leads to greater intelligence. Wouldn’t it be great if my neighbor’s uncanny ability to drive 20 miles to Starbucks at one am for coffee would result in gifted grandkids? If cognitive advancement were due to movement, I could say my lack of exercise runs in the family: my ancestor was lichen: part algae, part fungi. It took millions of years for it to start moving.

Finally, why do humans look like apes? It seems God has a sense of humor. One pastor thinks it could be big cosmic joke from God- He did it to show us what we would have looked like if He had not made us in His image.


Bloom, Paul. Introduction to Psychology, Yale Open Courses, Internet.

Lewin, Roger. Human Evolution; An Illustrated Introduction 3rd Ed. Boston: Blackwell Scientific Publications, 1993. p. 11.

The author has been an Evangelical Christian for many years. Contact Author: ea_author@yahoo.com. Her page is How to Pray